“Did you know that Yagami spelled backwards says ‘I’m a gay’?”

“Explain to me the logic behind MelloxNear, and I’ll give you a million bucks.”

“Does L ever change his clothes, or is he just that crazy for giant white shirts and jeans? Really, wtf is up with that?...”

“The question we all want answered: is Mello or girl, or does he just have really bad PMS?”

“Why did Light have to make everything so damn complicated? It wasn’t like we couldn’t tell he was gonna lose in the end… oh, did I just spoil something for you? Sorry… not.”

“Raise your hand if you also think Death Note is very sexist. I mean, look at how WEAK those girls are, man!”

“How is it that Matt, a character with only about twelve panels altogether, has a popularity rating that’s higher than Light’s, Near’s, and Mikami’s put together?”

“ZOMG MIKAMI’S A RAPIST RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIIVESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!”

“How did Light end up having friends that were all seriously messed up in the head?”

“So… what’s your whole view on Madonna cosplaying as Mello in her music video ‘Jump’? Is she a closeted fan, or a hopeless wannabe otaku? I’m just amazed she actually understood Death Note…”

“Did Light and Misa ever actually screw? Seriously, because I’m stumped…”

“Honestly, we all know the real types of toys Near plays with ^_^”

“For all you LxLight fans out there: explain to me how, when they were freakin’ handcuffed together, they got their clothes off?”

“If Wammy’s orphanage was in the U.K., then doesn’t that make L, Mello, Near, and Matt of British descent?”

“Light is sooooooooo Tamaki or Kyouya in another life!”

“How did Matt manage to keep a hold on his cigarette after being shot thirteen times, falling to the ground, and laying there for a few seconds before finally letting it go?”

“Did Light feed Ryuk drugged apples? Honestly, because that would explain A LOT…”

“… And Mello keeps his gun in the front of his already tight pants… why, exactly?”

“We all know how L really died: diabetes!”

“………………. MELLO AND MATT HAVE GAY SEX AT NIGHT!”